A Turning Point

We have had what may seem like a major setback but it could also be looked at as a turning point as well.

Since bringing Katya home eight months ago, she has struggled with authority, respecting her elders and generally obeying Fred and me. She tried to live under the general rule of I AM THE BOSS OF ME! She balked at the idea of homework lasting more than 15 minutes and accepting the fact that academics superseded play. In many ways Katya is a four-year-old trapped in a 12-year-old body. Katya built a brick wall around her soul and spirit that we were finding hard to penetrate. She commented soon after arriving in America that she had no idea there would be so many rules! Even though the orphanage had a structure and schedule, the orphans formed their own governing society and ruled by intimidation, manipulation, threats and physical violence. Think Lord of the Flies. Fred and I thought that over time she would settle down and conform to family life and hierarchy and accept the fact that we are in fact the boss of her! The fact remains that Katya is struggling to find a new identity after 12 years of being abandoned in an orphanage. For 12 years she had no sense of the outside world and no perception of her future; she was living for the moment. Day-to-day survival became her way of life. She trusted no one, and still hasn’t learned that she can trust Fred and me.

It became apparent last month that we needed help. Katya’s threats and physical violence were escalating and we felt she was a danger to herself and to me. After consulting Dr. Federici and her pediatrician it was decided to place her in a facility that serves as a respite home and a place where Katya can learn to live in a very structured and rigid environment ruled by adults. Of course Fred and I attempted this at home but Katya would have none of it! This home is ruled with an iron fist and it will hopefully help Katya understand the parent-child/adult-child relationship and the importance and acceptance of living under the umbrella of authority and respect. Our concern was that Katya would once again feel abandoned, but Katya was told she was in this home for two reasons. The first reason was that her parents loved her very much. Second, that she needs to learn the source of her angry feelings and learn to control her angry feelings without hitting. She seemed to understand this and resign herself to the fact she needed help that was beyond the reach of her parents.

Once Dr. Federici feels the staff has made progress in breaking down her wall and will, he will begin an intensive course of 10 hours of therapy a week. We have no idea how long it will take to undo 12 years of living in an institution and years of neglect and abandonment. WE WILL NOT GIVE UP ON THIS CHILD. There is no such thing as a hopeless child. We will do whatever it takes for Katya to feel loved, accepted and a part of her family again.

We will keep you updated and would appreciate your prayers at this time.