Monday, September 29, 2008

Little Miss Sunshine!






Katya is loving 7th grade, soccer, dance and emailing her cousin Tyler! Our house is just a flurry of activity from 5:45 AM until 9 PM!
She is #5 again in soccer and her team is doing very well. She missed a game yesterday because we were in Connecticut but she's back on the field this weekend for two more games.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Wild Wonderful West Virginia





To celebrate Katya's one year anniversary in our family and in America we went white water rafting in West Virginia last weekend. We had a BLAST! Katya is an adrenaline junkie just like her Mama so it was a perfect way to celebrate! Next year we can raft down the Gauley River which is an even more adventurous and wild ride. (Age minimum is 14 years old!) It was great to be back in West Virginia, one of the prettiest states in the nation.
The first photo is Katya jumping off a rock into the New River. How fun is that!!
Take me home, country roads!

Friday, September 5, 2008

One year ago today....




It was one year ago today that Katya and I came home from Russia. The progress we've made in one year is astounding!

To celebrate Katya's one year anniversary we are going white water rafting in West Virginia this weekend. We figured since Katya loved roller coasters she'd love the rush of white water rafting. Hopefully Hurricane Hannah won't interfere with our plans.

Seventh grade is going well for Katya and she seems happy with her teachers. She loves being in junior high and out of elementary!

I'll post rafting photos next week. Thanks for checking in.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

A beauty shop, a beach and a best buddy!







August 2nd- Katya's first wedding, which of course meant a trip to the beauty shop for a lovely updo!

August 3rd - 10th: Outer Banks, North Carolina with Katya's best buddy Elizabeth. We had a great week in Duck, North Carolina in a beautiful beach house with beautiful weather! The great weather followed us home too, it's currently 69 degrees with low humidity...in August!

Friday, July 25, 2008

Priorities



I loved Randy Pausch. Now there was a man who had his priorities straight. Family before everything. Take time out. When you can spend time with family, do it. There might not be a next year.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I Believe in Miracles



Things at the Buoni house couldn't be better. Our Little Miss Sunshine could not be sweeter, more loving or affectionate. Our attachment therapy was a success, and she looks at Fred and me frequently telling us she's a lucky girl! She tells us without prompting that she loves us, and seems to not want to be away from us for longer than a few hours. We were told many times that the attachment therapy takes months or even years to work so we are very fortunate. She's started going on walks with Fred in the evening where they discuss and solve the world's problems!

Sunday was Katya's 13th birthday! She had a lovely little party at home followed by a full day at Kings Dominion Amusement Park yesterday. It was the hottest day so far in Northern Virginia with a Code Red air quality rating, but there we were in the midst of it all riding every single roller coaster in the park! (My neck will never be the same!) Katya commented at the end of the day that maybe I wasn't as old as she thought because I even rode the "stand-up" roller coaster! I guess we have to earn our parent points any way we can. Katya received a brand new bike for her birthday, so now Fred and I need bikes to keep up with her! I'll post a photo of Kat on her new Schwinn tomorrow.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Things are really going well!

Hi Everyone-

I am so sorry that I haven't blogged since Katya's return; I know everyone is anxious to hear how she is adjusting.

Things have gone extremely well since Katya came home on June 21st. She learned a great deal at the facility where she spent a month. If you asked Katya about it, she will tell you it was a "horrible, terrible place, the worst place in America." She would also tell you it is where she learned about respect and how to obey her parents. The woman who operates the facility, Miss Lesia, is a miracle worker whose calling in life is to work with children with defiance and attachment disorders. She is truly an angel sent from God to answer parent's prayers! Katya loved her but loathed her at the same time. I believe Katya so hated being at "Miss Lesia's" house that she will behave just to avoid going back. Whatever Miss Lesia did, it worked, and Katya is definitely attaching to Fred and me.

Katya and I are following a pretty rigid schedule during the week when it's just the two of us at home. We have a little more flexibility on the weekends but we still have order and structure. Katya has no "privileges" yet, but she is working toward earning a birthday party on July 20th. We are under the guidance of her behavioral analyst who we visit bi-weekly. Nadya takes all the guess work out of parenting Katya.

I appreciate all the love and prayers that everyone sent our way during Katya's stay at the center, or rehab as we jokingly call it. (We have to find some humor in the situation or we'd go nuts!) Thanks everyone and keep those prayers coming! This is just the beginning of a very long journey. We celebrated the 10-month anniversary of Katya's citizenship yesterday and if you could hear her English you'd be amazed! If only we could all learn that quickly!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Life in Putin's Russia

Fascinating article from Sunday's Washington Post. Please take the time to read- you will be wiser for it!

Life in Putin's Russia

By Julia Latynina
Sunday, June 22, 2008

MOSCOW On Nov. 9, 2007, during a special operation in the village of Chemulga, in the republic of Ingushetia, Russian special forces shot and killed an individual by the name of Rakhim Amriyev. Eyewitnesses said that they shot him in the head and placed an automatic rifle beside his body. Then, as dozens of villagers who had run out of their homes looked on, the troops used an armored personnel carrier to demolish a wall of the one-room house where Amriyev lived and announced that he had died in a shootout.

You may ask how I can be sure that things happened this way -- that Amriyev didn't fire back, that he wasn't a terrorist and that the automatic rifle was planted. I'm absolutely certain -- because Rakhim Amriyev was 6 years old.

The most striking thing about everyday life in the Russia of Vladimir Putin (and make no mistake, it is Putin's Russia, despite the election of a new president, hand-picked by the great man) is the incredible corruption of the courts, the police, the special forces -- all the institutions that are supposed to uphold law and order in a democracy and that in Russia today have been transformed into a cancer that's devouring the state. Consider these further examples:

On May 20, 2005, in Moscow, a car driven by the son of Defense Minister Sergei Ivanov struck and killed 68-year-old Svetlana Beridze as she crossed the street. Beridze, who was in the crosswalk, was hit with such force that she was thrown high into the air and the keys in her handbag were crushed. No criminal charges were brought against the minister's son, who, his father publicly stated, had "experienced physical and emotional suffering" as a result of the accident. Instead, in what appeared to be an effort to intimidate the dead woman's family, authorities opened a criminal investigation against her son-in-law, for allegedly assaulting the minister's son.

Last Sept. 10, Muscovite Natalia Trufanova was driving to her dacha with her family in her old Zhiguli when a motorcade carrying Supreme Court President Vyacheslav Lebedev came speeding down the road toward them, driving in her lane. One of the vehicles in the motorcade tore through Trufanova's car. Eyewitnesses reported that the head of the Supreme Court kept going, leaving it to his underlings to comb through the bodies and the heap of twisted metal. Without batting an eye, the police declared that Trufanova had "driven into the oncoming lane," which meant that, if she survived, she could be brought to trial. When angry witnesses started posting video on the Web clearly showing that it was the motorcade that was driving in the wrong lane, the lead investigator looking into the accident said that he didn't have access to the Internet.

On a rainy September evening a week after Natalia Trufanova fell under the wheel of justice, I witnessed an accident on Moscow's government thoroughfare -- the famous Kutuzovsky Prospect. A silver Lexus, traveling at what looked to be about 90 miles an hour, flew out of the far left lane and crossed four lanes of oncoming traffic, crashing into several cars. As I drove past the scene of the accident, the wind blew bits of crushed metal, pieces of cloth and broken glass along the asphalt; bodies still sat in some of the cars. Within the hour, I learned that the driver of the Lexus was a 27-year-old woman with no known occupation; with her in the car was a deputy minister of economic development.

I learned this from a mutual friend (of mine and the deputy minister's) named Pavel, who had rushed to the scene. The minister was already dead; the young woman was in a daze, due to either pain or drugs. A police sergeant, cheerfully surveying the pile of bodies the girl had left in her wake, asked Pavel in the most businesslike fashion: "So, how are we going to solve this problem?" Apparently they "solved the problem" -- they didn't even bring charges against the woman.

Strange but true: It's not only ministers, their wives and their children -- as well as their lovers -- who are going unpunished, but also high-priced prostitutes, high on cocaine, with important addresses in their little black books.

Crime in Russia is hardly being investigated. In May of last year, the body of 4-year-old Nastia Mokryakova, her throat slit, was found in the woods outside Moscow. What do you think the police told the news media? "The child got lost and died of exposure." A month later, in the Moscow suburb of Tomilino, some maniac strangled 10-year-old Nastia Butenkova, and the first thing the police did was to say that the girl, who'd been found on a staircase with her pants pulled down around her ankles, may have caused her own suffocation. (A public outcry ultimately led to an investigation of both murders.)

It's not as though this unwillingness to investigate is limited to crimes whose victims are poor. On Dec. 6, 2007, Oleg Zhukovsky, a prominent banker who worked with major clients of the state-run bank VTB, was apparently killed in his suburban dacha. The killers reportedly tied the victim's hands behind his back, put a plastic bag over his head and threw him into the pool. Before killing him, they apparently forced him to write a suicide note. "Suicide!" the police promptly declared. It's hard to believe, but their unwillingness to investigate the death of a high-ranking banker had nothing to do with politics or the state. The police simply can't be bothered.

Of course, there are some crimes that the police do investigate. They accused an acquaintance of mine of giving $20 million to the leader of the Chechen terrorists. Another person I know was accused of trying to privatize the air space above the Arctic Ocean. Of a third, a prosecutor wrote that his bank was trying to foment a revolution and overthrow Putin. These three suspects all had something in common: They are on the Russian Forbes 100 list.

A fourth acquaintance of mine isn't on that list. He was simply building a high-rise in the southern city of Makhachkala. The local prosecutor telephoned and asked him what discount he'd give him on an apartment in the building. "Twenty percent," my acquaintance replied. The prosecutor thereupon ordered an investigation that turned the man's company upside down, then called again and demanded a 50 percent discount.

Is this the legacy of the Soviet past? Not at all. In the Soviet Union, criminals were thrown into prison along with the dissidents. Is it the legacy of former president Boris Yeltsin? There was nothing like this under Yeltsin.

This is the distinctive nature of the Putin regime.

Under Putin, the Russian businessman has been transformed into game being hunted by people in epaulets. Who was the first victim of this hunt? Oil company executive Mikhail Khodorkovsky, who was sentenced to eight years in prison for tax evasion in 2005, and his company, Yukos, which the government dismantled and sold off after his arrest. Who was the hunter? Then-president Putin.

The right to commit crime has become part of official privilege. If the victim doesn't raise a fuss, no one is punished. If the victim appeals to the public, he or she is harshly punished. The very fact of appealing to the public is perceived as a challenge to the regime. But who laid down these rules of the game? Who never punishes his friends? Putin.

In the republic of Ingushetia, death squads are executing people. They're being shot in front of witnesses, in crowded places, in market squares, at bus stops, and then weapons are being planted on them and they're being photographed as dead "terrorists." In some instances, the crowd has shielded the intended victims. In others, the local Ingush police have nearly beaten the Russian executioners to death. Who's being killed? Those on the so-called Wahhabi lists. These lists were compiled at the order of the FSB (the successor to the KGB) soon after the Moscow theater massacre of 2002, in which Chechen terrorists took an audience hostage and 130 people died when Russian special forces stormed the theater.

But who ordered these lists to be drawn up? Who would think, to stop the problem of terrorism in the northern Caucasus from spreading, of executing fundamentalist Muslims wholesale, simply for their convictions, not for any crimes that they may have committed? Such an order couldn't have been given without Putin's knowledge. In the 1970s, then-Israeli prime minister Golda Meir had those who had taken part in the massacre of Israeli athletes at the 1972 Munich Olympics annihilated. But since the Moscow theater incident, Putin has gone her one better -- he has even wiped out people who had nothing to do with it.

Each such execution, however, has created more terrorists than it has eliminated, and for all intents and purposes, Russia has lost control of Ingushetia -- the only republic where authorities have fully followed the execution order. Who will dare to inform the great Putin, the former KGB man, the courageous hero, who happily sits for photographs in the cockpit of a fighter plane and poses bare-chested on a fishing trip?

In the West, people read that Putin has restored Russia's power and strengthened the ruling hierarchy. This is the image that the PR agencies he has hired are trying to project. There may not be democracy in Putin's Russia, they say, but there is order.

Don't buy it. The Russian authorities aren't in control of the country -- unless we consider their ability to throw any businessman in prison and seize his company to be control. And yet these guys really think they're strong -- and that the measure of a ruler's strength is the amount of cash in his bank accounts.

latynina@novayagazeta.ru

Julia Latynina is a Russian journalist, novelist and radio host.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Homecoming

On a scale of 1 - 10, with 10 being the highest, yesterday was an 10!!

Monday, June 16, 2008

Katya is coming home on Saturday



Fred, Katie and I had a three hour visit with Katya on Sunday. We took her out to dinner and for ice cream. It was wonderful to see her and she seemed genuinely glad to see us! She was thrilled and relieved when we told her she was coming home, and then talked of nothing else for the rest of our visit. She understands things will be different and accepted that fact without argument. Her behavior analyst is coming to the house this week to give us guidelines, advice and encouragement!

Dr. Federici will give us the results of her tests later this week and we are anxious to get the full report. The more information we have, the better equipped we are to help Katya.

I'll post when we get the test results.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Encouraging news!


Today was appointment day! The doctor gave Katya a series of psychological tests and also conducted an in depth interview to learn more about her life prior to being in our family. Dr. Federici speaks fluent Russian so Katya was a little more relaxed and able to speak freely during the interview. Thankfully, with much hard work and intensive counseling, Dr. Federici sees a positive outcome for Katya. This is great news. During our last appointment he was preparing us for the worst. He told us today that he had a post-institutionalized child in his office last week and all he wanted to do was call an exorcist! We will see the full results of the tests early next week but he was pleased with what he learned so far. A few positives are:
*Katya has a normal to above normal IQ. (This makes therapy SO much easier)
*She does NOT want to go back to Russia
*She is on grade level academically (in Russian) which means she will catch up faster
*She does not like where she is now and does not want to go back (which will be helpful in her behavior modifications)
Dr. Federici referred us to a behavior analyst that he has trained to work with Eastern Bloc children. She will design an intervention plan for Katya's return. Her website is:www.alternativebehaviors.com and her name is Nadya Molina. I took it as a positive sign that he decided not to be Katya's primary mental health provider. Nadya will come to our home and help us map out a plan for Katya, however we will still be following Dr. Federici's basic outline of attachment therapy which is broken down into three levels. We will enter into Level One when she comes home and it will last anywhere from four to six weeks. Katya's five major rules are:
1. You must remain within three feet of a parent at all times.
2. You will have no contact with anyone besides your parents, Katie and Steven.
3. Your parents decide what you are required to do each day.
4. There will be no TV, radio or any other distractions.
5. You must be successful at level one before you begin level two.
I asked Dr. Federici about medication, and he said she may benefit from Wellbutin but that will be determined later. (I should have asked him about medication for ME to get through Level One!)
Katya will be coming home on June 21st. We had to delay her homecoming because Fred has a business trip all next week and the doctor said he should be home the first few weeks after her return.
We were told to remove everything from her room except her bed and a lamp. It hastens "people" attachment NOT to have material things in which to attach. This will be an exhaustive and intense four to six weeks but it's what we have to do.
We hope to visit Katya before she comes home and are awaiting a call from the facility's director about a possible visit this weekend.


From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:
Attachment therapy is the term most commonly used by practitioners and critics for a controversial category of alternative child mental health interventions intended to treat what practitioners describe as attachment disorders. The term generally includes accompanying parenting techniques which proponents consider as important as the therapy itself. Attachment therapy is a treatment used primarily with fostered or adopted children who are believed to have certain behavioral difficulties, including disobedience and lack of gratitude or affection for their caregivers. The children's problems are ascribed to an inability to attach to their new parents because of suppressed rage due to past maltreatment and abandonment.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

We should have answers soon



I'm sorry I haven't posted lately but there hasn't been much news. Fred and I did get to talk to Katya on Sunday evening and she sounded good. We take her for her testing tomorrow so we will see her for the first time since May 29th. We won't get to spend much time together because we are only transporting her to and from the appointment but at least we'll get to give her a hug! Hopefully Dr. Federici will provide some answers soon after the testing so we can begin the healing process.

When I get really down I watch Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture" on the computer to make me feel better. I need some positive influences now versus the doctor's many doom and gloom scenarios. Isn't it weird that I turn to a dying man to cheer me up...
One of my favorite parts of the lecture is when Randy says, "When we are facing death it's not the things we do in life that we regret, but the things we don't do." I want to do everything in our reach to help Katya and try to undo what horrors were done to her as a child. I am realistic and know that we cannot wipe out all the bad memories but at least we can give her the emotional strength and unconditional love to heal. Fred and I both know it will be a long and painful journey but we are determined.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

What great friends we have


Fred and I are so blessed with wonderful and supportive friends. We could not have made it this far without the kind and encouraging words and actions of our dear friends. We truly appreciate the phone calls, flowers, emails and cards that have flooded our mailboxes. Your kindness is keeping us afloat! How lucky we are to have such a fantastic circle of support!! From the depths of our hearts...THANK YOU.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Update


Fred and I picked Katya up at the center and took her to Dr. Federici's office on Thursday. Katya was very talkative and peppy on the drive over, but her mood quickly changed once she met with the doctor. She told him some pretty disturbing things, most of which I don't want to get into now. By the time we left she was pretty agitated and the drive back to the center was silent. Dr. Federici told us we probably have two years of intense therapy ahead of us, along with radical changes at home, such as living by a highly structured, unbending schedule including not being more than three feet away from Fred or me for the forseeable future. We are putting our faith in this doctor because frankly, we have no other choice. We must heal Katya.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

What we know for sure


Sadly, Katya did not benefit from adequate parenting during her early years. Her foundation for healthy development was non-existent, making it difficult if not impossible for her to form loving, lasting, intimate relationships. This condition, known as attachment disorder, was triggered by abuse, neglect, abandonment, separation from birth parents and frequent moves from grandparents homes to several orphanages. Children with attachment disorder are less responsive to direction, less eager to please and more aggressive. These children are at increased risk for serious psychological problems in adolescence and adulthood. Fred and I are praying that proper diagnosis and treatment will help change Katya's life.

To explain further, attachment disorder is developed when children do not form a trusting bond in infancy and early childhood. A lack of trust generates feelings of aloneness, being different, pervasive anger and an inordinate need for control. Pervasive anger and the need for control are Katya's two biggest behavioral issues. A trusting bond is essential in continued personality and conscience development and serves as the foundation for future intimate relationships.

Dr. Terry Levy wrote in his book, Attachment, Trauma, and Healing: "Most professionals who work with and study the process of bonding and attachment agree that a child's first eighteen to thirty-six months are critical. It is during this period that the infant is exposed in a healthy situation to love, nurturing, and life-sustaining care. The child learns that if she has a need, someone will gratify that need, and the gratification leads to the development of her trust in others."

Fred and I may never know the full extent of what Katya suffered through in Russia, but we do know that we will do everything in our power to try to make the rest of her life happy, secure and full of joy.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Memories of Memorial Day Weekend



Fred and I trudged through Memorial Day weekend with long faces and heavy hearts. We were thrilled we were able to visit Katya but it was hard leaving the facility without her. We tried to stay as busy as possible so our quiet and very neat house wasn't so noticeable! On Saturday, Fred cut up one of his old Datsun 240's with a Sawzall and took the unwanted pieces to the dump. I worked on a scrapbook at a friend's house while Fred was sawing away! We enjoyed a nice dinner with my friend Vicki on Saturday night. Sunday was a wonderful day thanks to our friends the Heaths. Skip and Sue's son Tyler just returned from his second tour in Iraq, and as a Harley-Davidson owner, one of his dreams was to participate in Rolling Thunder, a motorcycle ride in Washington, DC. Rolling Thunder's purpose is to publicize POW-MIA issues and to educate the public on the American prisoners of war who were left behind. They are also committed to helping American veterans from all wars. We watched the Northern Virginia contingent of motorcycles leave Fairfax and ride to Washington, DC. It was a spectacular site and exciting to watch thousands of motorcycles ride together paying tribute to the heroes of America. Tyler and my Steven grew up together, first meeting as Webelo Scouts in 5th grade. After watching the motorcycles, the Heaths had us back to their home for a delicious brunch. We returned to their house that evening for a cookout on their beautiful deck. It was a wonderful day spent with dear friends and an American hero! Tyler will be discharged from the Army next month and is moving to Colorado to pursue his education. It was a good day.

Monday was movie day, but both movies we saw were so-so. Made of Honor was a disappointment and the new Indiana Jones movie was so violent I had my eyes covered through half of the movie. Would someone out there PLEASE make a decent movie!!

Monday, May 26, 2008

We visited Katya this morning

We had an early morning visit with Katya today. She seemed glad to see us...until we whipped out our new house rules. (Lesia, the director, had us email our house rules in advance.) Katya had to read them to us and repeat the rules several times. Lesia said Katya will have them memorized and will recite all seven to us on our next visit. After those are memorized, we will work on Katya's specific rules. The purpose of the rules are many, but the bottom line is that Fred and I are in control of EVERYTHING. I will have to write a schedule for the summer and we will follow it to the letter. Every minute of the day will be scheduled.

The entire time we were reviewing the rules Katya's brows were furrowed and she said "but....." many times, however we squelched the "buts" quickly. The idea that she will have no free will is hard for her to accept. "You are not the boss of me" mentality will be difficult to break, but we will be successful. Lesia is hoping Katya will have some type of meltdown soon so she can see how unglued Katya becomes and help her find ways of coping with sadness, anger and disappointment. Lesia wants the honeymoon period to be over. The sooner it is over, the sooner she can help Katya deal with her anger. Katya sees Dr. Federici on Thursday, so we will have more information at that time.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

A week has gone by...

For the last week, Fred and I have been walking around in a daze, not knowing what to do with ourselves. We went from 100 miles an hour to a complete stop. School, soccer practices, soccer games, tutor sessions to nothing. We have been trying to hold each other up, to nurture one another and be encouraging. We think of Katya every second, wondering what she is going through, what she is doing and how she is feeling. We did hear from the center director, and she said she was “fine.” I hate that word. It really doesn’t mean anything. She said that Katya misses us, so that is encouraging!

Dr. Federici will be meeting with Katya next week to determine her state of mind and to give us an idea of how long he feels she should stay at the center. I want Katya to stay long enough to learn basic issues such as respecting authority, parent/child relationships, etc., but I don’t want her to stay so long that she feels completely abandoned. Her stay there must be effective or we will have wasted weeks of healing and thousands of dollars. As soon as Katya earns enough points, she will be allowed to call home, and needless to say, we are very anxious to hear from her.

For those of you who have reached out to us, THANK YOU! We appreciate all your encouraging words and prayers. Fred and I definitely feel the love from our village! As promised, I will keep you posted on Katya’s progress.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

A Turning Point



We have had what may seem like a major setback but it could also be looked at as a turning point as well.

Since bringing Katya home eight months ago, she has struggled with authority, respecting her elders and generally obeying Fred and me. She tried to live under the general rule of I AM THE BOSS OF ME! She balked at the idea of homework lasting more than 15 minutes and accepting the fact that academics superseded play. In many ways Katya is a four-year-old trapped in a 12-year-old body. Katya built a brick wall around her soul and spirit that we were finding hard to penetrate. She commented soon after arriving in America that she had no idea there would be so many rules! Even though the orphanage had a structure and schedule, the orphans formed their own governing society and ruled by intimidation, manipulation, threats and physical violence. Think Lord of the Flies. Fred and I thought that over time she would settle down and conform to family life and hierarchy and accept the fact that we are in fact the boss of her! The fact remains that Katya is struggling to find a new identity after 12 years of being abandoned in an orphanage. For 12 years she had no sense of the outside world and no perception of her future; she was living for the moment. Day-to-day survival became her way of life. She trusted no one, and still hasn’t learned that she can trust Fred and me.

It became apparent last month that we needed help. Katya’s threats and physical violence were escalating and we felt she was a danger to herself and to me. After consulting Dr. Federici and her pediatrician it was decided to place her in a facility that serves as a respite home and a place where Katya can learn to live in a very structured and rigid environment ruled by adults. Of course Fred and I attempted this at home but Katya would have none of it! This home is ruled with an iron fist and it will hopefully help Katya understand the parent-child/adult-child relationship and the importance and acceptance of living under the umbrella of authority and respect. Our concern was that Katya would once again feel abandoned, but Katya was told she was in this home for two reasons. The first reason was that her parents loved her very much. Second, that she needs to learn the source of her angry feelings and learn to control her angry feelings without hitting. She seemed to understand this and resign herself to the fact she needed help that was beyond the reach of her parents.

Once Dr. Federici feels the staff has made progress in breaking down her wall and will, he will begin an intensive course of 10 hours of therapy a week. We have no idea how long it will take to undo 12 years of living in an institution and years of neglect and abandonment. WE WILL NOT GIVE UP ON THIS CHILD. There is no such thing as a hopeless child. We will do whatever it takes for Katya to feel loved, accepted and a part of her family again.

We will keep you updated and would appreciate your prayers at this time.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The newest member of Katya's village

Fred and I had our first visit this morning with Dr. Federici, one of the world's leading experts on post-institutionalized children. We are in search of ways to help Katya navigate her way through this thing we call life! Dr. Federici is a no-nonsense man, tell it like it is and move forward! I think he will be a great help to us and Katya. Any child who has lived in an orphanage is suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome, among other things. Institutionalized children also have attachment disorders so there is much to tackle and learn. You can see Dr. Federici on Youtube when you enter his name in the search box on Youtube. He has also written a book on adoption that I ordered today so with all these tools we feel equipped and ready to go!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Hope is fading...


Each year, 15-20,000 orphans "graduate" from Russian orphanages. These "emancipated" orphans have few skills to cope with life outside an institution. More than half fall into lives of crime, prostitution, and drugs or join the more than 1 million homeless teenagers living on the street. Ten percent commit suicide. A wonderful organization, MiraMed, exists to help these children cope by teaching basic independent living and life skills to live a successful life. The first Center opened in the fall of 2000 with 4 students in Moscow. MiraMed has Centers in Moscow, Uglich and St. Petersburg and sister programs in Ryazan and Perm serving almost 1200 children and young adults. The two-year program is taught by Russian psychologists and social workers and includes curriculum-based education as well as visits, excursions and practical "real life work". Included in the program is a strong focus on health, safety and legal rights.
Also a focus of MiraMed is their anti-trafficking program that protects Russian girls and young women from being trafficked overseas. MiraMed founded the Angel Coalition, the first and now the largest, most successful anti-trafficking coalition in Russia whose members provide public education and training and support for the rescue, return and rehabilitation of trafficking survivors. Why do I tell you all this?

A few days ago, MiraMed’s headquarters in Moscow was stormed by Russian police, who seized control of the building, arrested the managers and ordered their staff to leave the premises. With help from their friends from the city government, MiraMed staff members were allowed back into the building but all internet, telephones and power are cut off. The building has been declared a fire hazard and remains in the control of armed police.

Russia's new president, Dmitry Medvedev will take office in two days and Putin will become Prime Minister. Under Putin, the press and opposition have been muzzled, but Medvedev is reputed to be a liberal and some are predicting that his term will see more freedoms and less anti-western rhetoric. Medvedev said in a recent news conference when questioned about Putin's role in his presidency, "The president governs Russia." Putin, meanwhile, said at a February news conference that "the highest executive power in the country is the Russian government, headed by the prime minister."

I was so hopeful when the former Soviet Union collapsed. My hope has faded. The Russia people are losing what freedom they have left and the old regime has returned.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

No truer words have ever been spoken than: It Takes a Village to Raise a Child


Our success with the transition and adjustment of bringing Katya home is truly because of the "village" that surrounds us. Our friends and neighbors have been extremely helpful and supportive. They have also been very understanding. But I do have to single out a "villager" and she is my daughter Katie. She has given us a break when WE have been at the breaking point. Katie has shown patience and acceptance beyond her years. She has embraced and loved Katya exemplifying what sisterly love is all about. Before Katya became a part of our family I was always a bit sad that Katie didn't have a sister because I know first hand how a sister enriches ones life. I hoped that Katie and Katya would grow close but their relationship has surpassed my expectations! Thank you Katie for welcoming Katya into the family with unconditional love. I can only hope that you continue to be a blessing to each other the way that my sister continues to bless my life.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

So much for being better at blogging!



Hi Friends-

I know, I know, I've been terrible at updating this blog. I received an email from a friend this morning encouraging me to continue and I will try, I promise.

Katya continues to acclimate. As her English improves, she is able to share more of her life experiences in Russia and also express her feelings more clearly. Some of the stories of her life previous to becoming a part of our family have broken our hearts and have encouraged us to investigate ways to help her cope. We have found a world-renowned expert in our community on post-institutionalized children so Katya will be under his care for the foreseeable future. If you'd like to visit his webiste it is:www.drfederici.com. I believe he will help Katya with some of her childhood traumas that have scarred her deeply. Katya's coping skills have improved greatly though. Previously, when she became angry her method of coping was 'fight and flight'. Now, she has learned to calm herself down and express her anger and confusion. This is a major milestone. Homework is a daily struggle because she has no concept of the importance of education, self-discipline and academic success. At the orphanage, I believe survival topped the list and education was a low priority.
If she thinks Fred and I are angry with her she falls apart but she is learning that we love her regardless. With the help of Dr. Federici we will be victorious in overcoming her insecurity! She is becoming more affectionate so I know we are breaking down the barriers.

Katya is loving soccer! She is quite an athlete and seems to excel in any sport she tries. Tennis, basketball, softball, etc. We just have to figure out the sport she likes best and concentrate on that! The Saturday morning 9 AM games 40 miles away are my personal favorite....NOT! I confess I have prayed for rain the night before a game because I am so exhausted from the March of Dimes walks that have occurred the last two Sundays. It makes for a long week when you work on weekends.

On October 12th, 2007 I blogged about my little cousin Ryan's battle with cancer. I am sad to report that he passed away last night after a very courageous battle with this hideous disease. Please put Jeff, Melinda and Tyler Hutchinson in your prayers as they come to terms with Ryan's passing. It is a sad day in our family.

Thanks for checking in and I'll post soon.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

I am a soccer mom...


Just when I ditched the minivan, I became a soccer mom! Katya is now playing soccer, and her first game is Saturday. I refuse to put a magnetic soccer ball decal on the back of my CR-V. I recently heard my hairdo described as a "soccer mom hairdo" which is curled under shoulder length hair. When I googled soccer mom hair my exact hairdo appeared. A fanny pack would complete the look but luckily I don't own one. The crowning touch of my soccer momness would be a bumper sticker of my presidential candidate of choice but I'm not doing that either. (I don't want to vote for any of them!) And of course a "My kid is an Honor Student" bumper sticker is also a soccer mom badge of honor!
My challenge now will be to not be a sideline screamer. Katya told me she's not sure she understands all the soccer rules but she's learning. I guess this means there will be a lot of mistakes and fouls so there may be other parents doing the yelling!

Let's hope Katya loves soccer as much as she loves basketball! I'll take photos of her first game and post them on the blog this weekend.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Braces, Bed and Brother





Katya's life lately has been all about her braces, her bed and her brother. We have been to the orthodontist six times in the last three weeks because of loose wires, a new palette expander and general check-ups. We have to return tomorrow because we cannot turn the mechanism that widens her palette. Steven was home last week for spring break. Katya loved having someone to play basketball with and I loved having him home! Steven painted her new room for her which thrilled her to no end. We bought Katya a canopy bed but finding the right comforter, etc. has been a real challenge. I tried to talk Katya into choosing the comforter and window treatments FIRST, making the decision about the paint color around the linens. No, no, no. She insisted on painting the room in her choice of blue and selecting the soft furnishings second. Sounds easy? It's not. We have scoured the internet and all the local department stores trying to find linens she likes AND that match the walls. Today, I pulled some boxes out of storage and found the Laura Ashley set in the photo above. I didn't even ask her if she liked them, I just put them on her bed and waited for the explosion. To my surprise, she likes the pattern and seems happy. If Katya is happy, I'm happy.

Katya started soccer on Thursday and had a tough workout. This is her first time playing soccer so we don't know if she will like it as well as basketball. Time will tell. We'll keep you posted.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Stormy Atlanta!






Fred, Katya and I traveled to Atlanta on Friday to see my brother George and his family. We have had a wonderful time catching up, cooking, playing and even visiting the Atlanta zoo today. I should say George, Fred, Katya and Lillie visited the zoo; Jeanie and I shopped for decorating accessories for their beautiful home.

We weathered the storms Friday night and yesterday,experiencing wind, hale and a lot of rain! The tornado sirens were blaring yesterday afternoon and the golf-ball sized hale was beating my car to a pulp as we trekked down the highway in search of just the right piece of art for their living room. If we would have perished in the storm at least we would have died doing something we loved! I shouldn't joke, the storms were horrendous but rain, nor hale, nor wind, nor tornados could stop us from our mission of that perfect picture!

We don't know what's on the agenda for tomorrow, but the skies should be sunny so we'll see. My sister suggested the Atlanta aquarium, but I don't have the time to take out a second mortgage on my home to buy our tickets! It would be a $100 day by the time we purchase our aquarium passes, Marta tickets and lunch! Maybe we'll just see the new movie, "Horton Hears a Who." Two movie tickets, popcorn and drinks would only be $50!!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Can you believe it's been six months!






I can't believe Katya's already been here six months! The progress she's made in such a short period of time astounds me! We rarely struggle to communicate. She gets confused about multiple meanings of the same word which can be funny at times. She has assimilated into American culture beautifully. As I type this, she is watching her new favorite TV show: Project Runway! She loves edgy and chic fashion. (Check out her socks and flip-flop combo in the photo above!) She is comfortable in any social setting, but she's still a bit confused about some of the manners we observe, such as asking adults how old they are upon meeting them. When I took her to my office she asked my boss how much money she makes! She told her orthodontist braces cost too much money and he should be embarrassed. (I agree, and I want to know why braces are now in the $6,000 range? Katie and Steven's braces didn't exceed $3,000!) He told me he recently bought "another property" in Europe. I thought: "Of course you did, thanks to me."

Katya's basketball season ended last week but she will start soccer after spring break. Her spring breaks starts this Friday and we are heading to Atlanta to see my brother George and his family. We are really excited about the trip and family visit. It will be her first long car trip so I am loading up on books and activities. I am hoping she'll sleep a lot!

Tomorrow night is a Cultural Fair at her school and we will be representing Russia. Katya and I are setting up a table with Russian food, artifacts, books, flags and money for display. It should be a fun evening. Katya is proud of her heritage and I love that she has an opportunity to showcase the motherland! If she gets angry or upset she says, "I can't help it, I'm Russian!" She tries to use that excuse for not wearing a coat too, but I don't buy it!

Katya has made a wonderful best friend whom I adore. She could not have picked a nicer girl for a best friend. Elizabeth is a patient, kind-hearted child from a large family. I think that's where Elizabeth gets her patience as she has three younger siblings! We are taking Elizabeth with us to the beach this summer so Katya will have a playmate. We rented a house in Nag's Head, North Carolina the first week in August, so pray that the hurricanes stay away!

Thanks for checking in on our wonderful daughter! I'll start blogging again more frequently I promise!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Welcome to Katya's office!




Last month, my son Steven moved into his first apartment after being in a dorm the last 3 1/2 years! This left an empty bedroom next to Katya's room. This empty space is now Katya's "office." We had a desk in our storage room that is now in her office, and she is "shopping" the house to fill her new space. I retrieved my kitchen rug from her office this afternoon and a few decorative items are missing from the living room! We planned on moving her into Steven's old room this spring because it is a larger room, but she may have other plans! She told me she wanted a couch too, but I don't see that happening!!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

WOW - I haven't blogged for weeks!



I can't believe I've let so much time pass since I last blogged. Like everyone else with a job and a family, there is so much to do and only so much time in a day!

Katya continues to blossom. Her English is so good we seldom struggle to understand each other. She still loves school and cannot wait to get there every morning. One of her pieces of art was selected for an art show recently. (see photo above) Her last basketball game is this Saturday but she will start playing soccer this spring. She can hardly wait to get braces, which will be soon. She thinks they are "really, really cool!" Her first dentist appointment was last week and she thought it was exciting. She is getting her teeth cleaned tomorrow and told me tonight how excited she is about the appointment. I sure hope her enthusiasm for the dentist continues throughout her life! I am currently seaching for a camp for her to attend during spring break next month. She would hate being idle for a week!

Monday, February 4, 2008

Lessons Learned



I have learned quite a few valuable lessons lately. We have had a few quiet weekends lately and one four day holiday due to teacher workdays. During those l-o-n-g winter days and holidays, I learned that Katya DOES NOT like "down time." She wants a playmate every waking moment. Because of her last 8 years in an orphanage, she has had her choice of playmates at her beck and call. She never had to occupy her own time or sit quietly and read a book. This past weekend, she wanted Fred or me to play with her ALL DAY. This is fine for a few hours but now that I am working again, I have a lot I need to accomplish on the weekends and truth be told, I don't WANT to play basketball or card games for hours and hours straight! She has paints, books, puzzles, and crafts but she doesn't want to do anything alone. It is not enough to be in the same room with her, you have to be interacting with her or she is not happy! What did all this teach me? One important lesson: She will be in summer camps from the first day of vacation until labor day! It also taught me that when we go to the beach for a week this summer, we will take a friend! I am trying desperately to teach her the love of reading, but I get the feeling that reading was not encouraged in Russia and she groans when I even mention the word book. We have a long way to go but I am confident that once she feels more comfortable with those quiet moments life gives us on occasion, she will learn to appreciate and even want the calm and stillness of a lazy day.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!

If you have been trying to call me on my cell phone and I haven't returned your call, it's because I lost my cell phone on January 6th. I also lost my prescription sunglasses and my new watch, all in the last 30 days. I have no idea where they are, but I keep thinking I will find all of my lost items in one place. I am giving up on finding my cell phone and replacing it this week, but I am not replacing my watch or my sunglasses for the time being. Way too expensive. I'll just do without!

I remember losing my mind and memory along with my belongings when Katie and Steven were babies. Being a new mom is overwhelming and trying, so perhaps that's what I am experiencing now. I've been Katya's mother for four months now, so I can equate that to what I was like with a four month old baby. Now it all makes sense. Frustration, sleep deprivation, cluelessness and second guessing all parenting decisions...that's what I did then and I am doing now. There are no absolutes for parenting a new baby and no absolutes for parenting a 12-year old, so we are just following our heart and hoping we are doing the right thing!

If you know where my lost items are, please give me a call, on my house phone!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Taking it day by day...



Last weekend was full of drama, mishaps and mistakes! On Friday night, Katya and her friend were playing school in the basement and Katya decided to play on my computer. Somehow, she managed to delete all my photos from half of 2006, all of 2007 and 2008. We still can't figure out how she deleted them and emptied my trash. (I have a Mac) Bottom line, I have spent hours on the phone with the help desk and we've concluded that all are lost. Sunday was another struggle, but we got through it and we all went to bed with smiles. Monday, Katie fell while skiing and tore her meniscus and is now in a knee brace with the possibility of surgery in a month. The bright side to the weekend was a visit from our friends from Poquoson, Virginia.

The work/school week has been fine, but Fred is in Boston until tomorrow. Katya has been enjoying shooting baskets in what to her is nice weather. (It's been in the 30's and 40 's during the day.) "It's not cold Mama, I promise." I am praying for more snow!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

"Me no cold Mama, I promise."



It is a ritual. Every morning, the first thing Katya does is walk downstairs, poke her head out the door and say, "No cold Mama, no coat today." It is our one constant battle. This morning, she woke up and announced, "It no snow in America, I promise Mama."
I tried to explain that it does indeed snow in America, in fact it snows a lot in certain parts of America. It was no use, she wasn't buying it. Today, the FIRST thing she said to me when she got off the school bus was, "It no cold Mama, no cold today." She said this as she stepped off the bus into a 4 inch deep snow pile. She said tonight, "You Mama, American, cold. Me Russian, not cold." I think if I have to have this argument another few months I will surely loose my mind. I am trying to teach her fahrenheit vs. celsius, because she isn't buying the fact that 28 degrees fahrenheit is actually pretty nippy. She flat out says she will never be cold in America, period. I think a trip to Minnesota is in order!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Winter Sports



Forget about ice skating, Katya is busy mastering roller skating this winter! She borrowed her friend's roller skates and is already racing up and down our street like she's been skating for years. She even plays basketball in the roller skates! I know it is not safe but she throws the ball into the basket as she races past the hoop! I beg her to slow down but I know she's charging down the street when I'm not looking.

Her basketball team lost in overtime yesterday which was heartbreaking. Katya says, "We loses." There is no telling her she played well, great game, great defense, etc. The fact that the team lost is what she dwells on, regardless. Another thing we have to work on...

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Seizing the opportunity!



Katya invited two school friends to our house tomorrow after school to play. Since she was elated that both invitations were accepted, I seized the opportunity and took down one Christmas tree tonight as she danced around the house in a most jubilant mood! She didn't say a word to me or react negatively so I feel she is finally ready for Christmas to be officially over! She has her hopes set on playing basketball with her friends tomorrow but rain is in the forecast. I wish it would snow instead of rain but with our current warm temperatures snow seems like a long-shot! Katya wore capri pants to school yesterday without a jacket! I keep trying to tell her this isn't normal winter weather but what IS normal weather anymore? My Russian friends tell me there is no snow on the ground in Moscow and the temperatures have been in the 30's and 40's. Definitely not normal. Maybe this means we can head to Ocean City in March for spring break week and swim in the Atlantic!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Back in the saddle again...



I returned to work today after a nine month absence. It is great to be back to work! I missed all the wonderful people who make the Washington DC Chapter the greatest place to work!! I love the mission, the MOD culture and of course the babies so I am happy to be back in pantyhose and pearls!! I am now part-time, so my job does not impact Katya at all. I will honestly miss working a full day but I need to be home when Katya gets off the bus. She was nervous this morning when I was getting dressed for work but I assured her over and over that I would be here when she came home. I don't know what I'll do if we have a snow day, but that isn't going to happen anytime soon because our high today was 73 degrees!! Who says global warming isn't real...

Sunday, January 6, 2008

The agony of defeat



We had a wonderful time on Saturday at the George Mason University Men's Basketball game. Katya thoroughly enjoyed the game and wants to go back to see more games. Fortunately GMU defeated Towson State, which made it even sweeter! No such luck at Katya's game, although she did score two baskets. They lost yesterday and today too. Oh well, it's a good learning experience but it is still hard. She takes loses so personally, and she's a bear to be around after a defeat! I believe the final score today was 22 - 7, but Katya made four of the seven points! The girls on the opposing team were really aggressive, and I think that took Katya by surprise. She's not used to having elbows in her belly. I almost got up and marched out to the court and told one girl to behave! I hate it that sportsmanship has reached that level in elementary school.

I have one final day left until I go back to work. I wonder if I can get the trees down, do 10 loads of laundry and clean the house, all in a day? We shall see.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Houston....we have a problem


Yesterday was a difficult day. Steven and Sabrina left as Katya was preparing to leave for school and she became very upset. Steven's departure marked the official end of the Christmas season for her, and the fact that I told here we were taking the trees down this weekend didn't help either. She had a meltdown and in the end, we made it to school at 12:30 PM. When Katya gets upset, she shuts down and doesn't want to talk. Her mode of coping is running away; to get as physically far from "the problem" as she possibly can. She has no coping skills whatsoever. This is something that we really must conquer, and as her English skills improve, so will her coping skills. She was very clingy after it was all over, and I hated to send her to school, but I thought it was important to maintain her schedule. Last night she told my friend Vicki she was a "bad girl", but Vicki very eloquently told her, "No Katya, you are not a bad girl, you just had a bad day."

Today we are going to see a basketball game at George Mason University, and Katya has a game tonight at 7:15. I'll let you know how that goes in tomorrow's blog!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

School is back in session!



Katya was absolutely exuberant this morning! School is finally back in session! She was so excited to get back to class and see her friends and teachers. I now know that I must schedule her summers with back to back camps, trips and excursions. The busier she is the happier she is. This will be quite a challenge because I will be working this summer. Fred asked that I not spend more than I make just keeping her busy! I found one camp online tonight and it was $1500 per week! My cooking school in Italy wasn't even that expensive! I'm hoping "Camp Aunt Anne" is still up and running; Steven spent many a summer at his aunt's house in California while I was working. Anne is a school librarian so she has the summers off! Well, back to Google to find those camps!!